Praying with Family (3 of 3): The How-To Guide to Family Prayer
“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise early and go late to bed, toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to his loved ones.”
Part 3 of our family prayer series called: Praying with Family is going to be referencing and giving practical tips for praying together. It is really easy to talk about praying together as a family, but it is quite difficult to follow through with the task and even harder to remain consistent. Family is meant to be united–comfortable enough to pray together. That does not mean that praying with family will be a comfortable effort, but it is in the uncomfortable that family relationships grow, flourish, and maintain a strong connection. For review, the first blog post addressed having “Strong Family Bonds.” You can read that post by clicking here. This comes from an intentionality with family that requires God to be at the center of every relationship. The second post addressed the elephant in the room–family is messy sometimes; that topic being “Reconciliation and Healing.” Click here to read that post. Without health and peace, praying with family will not work and will not last. Today’s topic is to equip you with the tools to begin this vital prayer time together. We will discuss the importance of being missional, upholding values, and accountability; providing help in each area as you begin.
Make the Mission Clear, Simple, and Achievable
There is a starting point to every goal. Whether it is starting a business, creating a meal plan, or setting up your week’s to-do list, there is always a mission behind the proposed action. However, praying through this mission before starting is vital. The goal here is to prayerfully establish what the family’s mission is. God wants your family to be interconnected, thriving, functional, and trustworthy. The mission helps make that pathway clear and understandable for every member. Read this short story where a family prayer was established.
Three months later, the pastor pulled the man aside after their weekend service and asked, “How has prayer been going?” The man excitedly exclaimed, “We have grown closer than I ever would have thought. Because of our prayers, my youngest has accepted Christ and my wife and I have been more connected than ever before!” Shortly after that conversation, the pastor admitted that he began praying with his family shortly after hearing the man’s testimony.
What a beautiful representation of family prayer and how it can deeply impact every person involved. It even affects those who are told about the benefits. But it all started with the advice of the pastor: What is the mission behind your family praying together? A family praying together MUST be missional and intentional. The reality is this: anything that involves intentionality is often difficult and stretching for us. Prayer requires levels of sacrifice; therefore, if you want to take family prayer seriously, you must be willing to give something up in order to prioritize your biblical goal of praying together.
Family Prayer Values are to be Held Tightly
Family values are necessary and helpful to maintain a consistent rhythm in praying together. Actually, whether you realize it or not, you likely have values that you hold your family to in everyday living. For example, a family value that I establish in my household is that we have a spiritually challenging conversation every single day. This is not something that was planned; however, it happened very naturally between my wife and I, which led to intentional conversations within our marriage, and now feeds into our day with our child. Rhythms will be set when values are presented. Think of it this way, without a standard to uphold, family prayer could become a place of chaos and inconsistency, rather than joyful peace that sparks creative union between family members.
Values will vary from family to family. Truly, the value system could shift and change overtime as your family grows spiritually, experiences varying spiritual seasons, and/or works through challenging trials and hardships. Values keep the coarse narrow, rather than letting the road become wide and curvy. Based on what has been expressed thus far, you may be wondering, “Well, what is an example of a family prayer value?”
Great question, a family prayer value is similar to the mission, but it is the core of the mission. To be as clear as possible, the definition is this: A practice that is clearly established before a group of people to maintain expectation, clarity, consistency, and growth. An example would be as follows: After discussing with my family the idea of praying together weekly, I express to them that the mission is for God to be praised in our time together. The value that follows that mission would be this: “Every prayer begins with each person praising God.” The more the family follows through and stays true to the value that’s been set, consistency and rhythms are carried out. Now, I highly encourage those of you who have never done this with family before, start with one value and build from there. We need to learn family values together and as you grow stronger together, establish more values. You will find that the Holy Spirit will help you create more values to follow. Once you create a value, stick to it, every time you all pray together.
Without Accountability, Family Prayer WILL FAIL
Accountability is hard, placing you into situations where you must confront a particular individual for something they have done. There have been many instances where I have approached pastors, family members, friends, co-workers, and even strangers for something wrong that they did to me or to someone else that I witnessed. Every single time, it has been difficult and uncomfortable. However, we must remain firm in our approach to fight against sin. There WILL be moments where a family member begins to slack off during this time. Maybe they miss 2 weeks of prayer in a row, maybe they begin to gossip about someone before prayer begins, maybe they are living in sin as a professed believer in Jesus, but not addressing the sin issue… YOU MUST HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE. This is not optional in family prayer. If the person who skips is not confronted about being AWOL (Absent Without Official Leave), they will continue to be AWOL. We cannot afford to skip out on holding family members accountable. It is a requirement if you want family prayer to be successful. We must live blamelessly together as families, and not shy away from being confrontational when there are issues occuring.
Let us piggy back on the idea that someone is skipping family prayer. Let’s take this example a little bit deeper. What are the direct effects of letting someone consistently miss prayer time? If someone is not held accountable and they continually miss the family prayer, then it gives the other individuals in the group permission to skip as well. It is a natural response that human beings struggle with… When we see other people getting away with something, we believe we have the right to do the same. After all, if I miss prayer, no one will call me out or put me on the spot for missing. It becomes easy to fall into sin when accountability is not enacted. I would be willing to make you a guarantee… If you hold a family member accountable ONE TIME, they will think twice next time. It is the healthiest form of discipline that we can observe. Accountability is inevitably going to be the reason behind family prayer bringing forth family spiritual growth, or being another thing to dissolve and fizzle out.
My Prayer Over You As You Begin Praying With Family
Lord Jesus, I pray over the reader today O’ God. May you, the One who knit them together in their mother’s womb, carry them into this beautiful representation of unity in praying with family. Families must be united, living in one accord, being transparent, honest, open, and vulnerable with each other. God, I believe all of these things cannot be accomplished without prayer. May you strengthen the one who desires to pray with family, giving them widom, clarity, and discernment for what your plans are for their specific family. May praying together be a smooth transition in their life. I pray, Lord, that you give supernatural favor to the one who desires to pray with family, that their family would look to them as one who lives by the Spirit of God, and one that relies heavily upon you as their King. Jesus, live in our families, be present in our families, and walk with our families, as we pray to you, the King of kings and Lord of lords. I pray this in Jesus’ name, Amen.